Sunday, September 27, 2009

I'd Rather Roast the Chicken

Bella told Joe and I a joke today:

What's the difference between roast chicken and pea soup?
Anybody can roast a chicken!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Woe at Walmart

We were at Walmart for 3 hours. I brought the 4 younger kids with me. I talked the entire time. Here is what I said:

OK, everybody our of the car..lock the doors...I said lock the doors...where is Genevieve?..Genevieve, come here...yes, you can sit in the cart...where is that thing I was returning...darn! it's in the car...back to the car,, we should all go...stay by the, we cannot get Subway for lunch...where are the bandaids...stay close to the cart...don't touch that...Halloween costumes?..well, we can look...(sees a provocative nun costume with a mini-habit)...oh, my! let's not look, after all...yes, the candy looks good...six weeks until Halloween...we don't need candy yet...remember I said you can have a yogurt as a treat...yes, you can get the chocolate kind...don't touch that...don't touch that...OK, let's pull over...what did I say you can touch in the store?..very good...NOTHING...NOTHING means NOTHING, remember...stay close enough to touch the cart...oh, for Pete sakes, I forgot to get the hand soap refill...this way, kids...I said this way...where's Noah?..let's stay together...yes, Genevieve, you can get out of the cart...let's look for paper plates...not are the ones we use...Dad needs a rake?...are you need a rake...a metal rake?..OK, got, you may not hold it...let me put it in the can pick out yogurt the rake...yes, I said chocolate is each...someone is coming, get behind the, you may not have new toothpaste until the old one is running out...let me look over here...where is Genevieve?..get out from behind that clothing rack...I said get out...come over here...OK, I am putting the yogurt, you do not come over here and expect the yogurt...Noah, Bella, go put this back and meet me at the check out...thanks for helping...put the heavy stuff on the rake...Noah, Bella, over here...Noah take the rake...NO TWIRLING THE RAKE...don't put the shampoo on top of the light bulbs...the bread..the bread!..OK that goes on last...thank you for helping load the cart, Bella...let me find my debit card...the rake stays STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN...stay by the cart...hold onto me...I need to get the the rake...the bread goes in the car last...buckle, please...when we get home please help unload...yes, I did put the yogurt back...did you behave?..maybe next time...OK, everyone take a bag...these things go inside the house...come out after you put them in...Noah! Bella! Genevieve! Angelina! I said come back out!...yogurt after lunch...PLEASE wash your hands NOW...yes, with soap...

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

He's No Jerry Lewis...

We started school today. All of our books aren't in, but we have the majority of them, so I decided to just start with what we've got. Last night I filled out the white board that we have hanging in our dining room. I wrote a welcome sign, the date and what I've decided is our new school motto. The kids are learning French, so I chose the French equivalent of "no pain, no gain." I wrote "Il faut casser le noyau, pour avoir l'amande." Literally translated, it means, "You have to break the shell to get the almond."

Noah saw it first and asked Joe what it meant. Joe doesn't speak any French, so, of course, he made his answer up, based on what the words looked like to him.

He looks at the words, "Il faut casser le noyau, pour avoir l'amande," and says, "I'll fight Caesar, Noah, until you pour the lemonade." What a wiseguy.

So, this morning I am giving the usual start-of-the-year lecture on how the kids need to try their best, blah, blah, blah, and the kids are all giggling. Of course Noah told them what Joe said. So now our new school motto is: "I'll fight Caesar until you pour the lemonade."

I guess it could be worse. It could be any one of the following:
I'll play video games until my eyes fall out.
I will misbehave until you put me up for adoption.
I will ignore you until you fade away into nothingness, never to return.

So...I guess the new school motto isn't so bad, after all. Thanks, Joe.

Sunday, September 6, 2009


Charlie ate 6 donuts today.

We got a dozen Krispy Cremes and each child ate one. Stupidly, we left the box on the table. Now there are 2 left.